


Will the snow melt?

by 4thDevilJoker



Series: Will the snow melt? [1]
Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: SideM
Genre: Angst, High School, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, The start of something, Youth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:49:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4thDevilJoker/pseuds/4thDevilJoker
Summary: Will it stay the same?I am uncertain of any change but I am ready for anything, as long I am with the group.One day, I'll be more honest.





	Will the snow melt?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a newbie to fanfics and SideM..So I hope the characterisations are alright >.<  
> Thank you to my friend for editing!  
> I'll try to keep this going for as long as I can!!! And yes, I suck at formatting too. So feel free to hmu with tips etc.

Shiki Iseya. 

I envy him. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.  
His face always alight with a happy carefree smile. Eyes gleaming with hope and positivity, worry-free. It was something that I have never seen in anyone, until now.

When Hayato allowed Shiki to become the vocalist of our band, I was skeptical.  
He wasn’t a professional singer, nor did he have any knowledge with music, meaning that he couldn’t compose. Shiki was adamant in joining. I won’t deny that he does have talent. He said that he believed in the band, whilst I had joined to help Hayato out.

The moment I saw him step into the club room, I knew he would be trouble.  
_We were complete opposites._ He was too loud, too talkative and had a childish demeanour.  
Shiki would always talk about the future, his dreams of becoming the number one idol and what new songs he would like to sing in karaoke. 

Eyes always shining with positivity.  
Hopes and dreams and the future.  
_I dreaded such thoughts._  
If you asked me what I wanted to do in the future, I couldn’t tell you.

“Junn-chi!!!!”  
My vision was obscured by a blurry lined page filled with messy handwriting and equations. I gently brushed aside the notebook to reveal the offender. A bespectacled boy greeted me with emerald twinkling eyes and a guilty grin.  
“Too close.” I pushed my chair back to give some distance between us.  
“You have to help me with this, Jun-chi!!! I will be mega-mega-in trouble if this comes up in the yearly tests!!” 

Shiki was waving the notebook frantically around, to express his distress and urgency. His chair rocked precariously to and fro.  
“Shiki, please. Can you tone your voice down a notch? I don’t want to get a headache.” I started to rub the temples of my head in mock pain and concern.  
“Ah, I’m sorry.” He immediately calmed down and placed the notebook onto my desk, with the page flipped open to a complicated maths equation. Shiki hung his head low and waited quietly whilst I scanned the page and the scribbles. He had got the theory of the question, but had applied it in a roundabout way. I proceeded to jot down some sums.  
“See here…” I pointed my pen and directed Shiki’s attention to the part. I explained my technique in getting the answer whilst he nodded with enthusiasm and occasionally exclaimed “Ah! That makes sense!”. 

*

“I’m not perfect and I’m pretty sure Hazama-san has a better way of working it out, but this is the method I use. It hasn’t failed me though.” I gave a wry smile. I can only hope that Shiki was listening intently enough. I handed the notebook back to him. “If you want to, we can ask him together.” 

We had been in the clubroom for a while. I hadn’t noticed that the sun was casting an orange glow over the school. A cool breeze drifted in and rustled the curtains.

Natsuki had gone home early to feed his cats, Haruna had work and Hayato got called to a student council meeting. So it had just been Shiki and I in the clubroom today.  
It was also time for me to go home as well. My curfew was 6pm during winter.

“I wish I could be smart and talented like you, Jun-chi.”

Shiki had been staring intently at me. His hands clutched the notebook so tightly, the knuckles on his hands were turning white. He stood in front of my desk, unmoving.

“Shiki, are you alright?” I murmured.  
Maybe I had heard wrong. Maybe I was imagining things. My brain took a moment to register that he did in fact compliment me. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his expression. It was definitely a rare sight, revealing a different side of him.

“I was worried about having to do supplementary classes and missing out on band practice if I fail. If I was book smart, like you, it would be mega easier for me to pass everything. I don’t want to hold back the whole unit.” His eyes lowered to the floor. I caught a glimpse of the tips of Shiki’s ears glowing red, poking out from his spiky jet black hair. I clutched my wrist anxiously. 

So even Shiki has his own worries? The tension in the air was suffocating. _Shiki, I don’t think I’m the right person you should be talking to about this._  
I broke the awkward silence with a little cough. “Being smart and talented is one thing, but if you put in the effort and hard work, you will be rewarded even more.” I subconsciously took a strand of my hair and was twisting it between my fingers. Drops of tears glistened like pearls as they descended. 

_What if I say the wrong thing? I don’t know how to respond in this situation._

“But I’m not like you. I’m not like you senpais who can play an instrument. I can’t write any songs or even read music or be smart and ace tests at school. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough to stay as a member. No, wait, I’m not even a member.” Shiki’s voice was choked up as he cried. He didn’t even bother to wipe his face. Instead, Shiki’s grip on the notebook created wrinkles on the cover. His tears continued to roll down. 

_Don’t tell me this has been burdening you this entire time._

“Stop.” I put my hand out in front of Shiki’s face. His mouth was slightly open and his pink glasses were starting to slide off his nose. 

_You were hurting this whole time and you didn’t tell anyone? You’re an idiot!_

“Shiki! You are a valuable member to HighxJoker. If you weren’t talented, Hayato would not have picked you to be our vocalist. You have the ability to draw crowds in and uplift the atmosphere. You always believed in us, had put your faith in us, even when we had just started out. There is no one else that could ever _replace_ you.” 

At that moment, I realised I had raised my voice. My hands were clenched into a tight ball without me noticing. I could feel my cheeks were burning.

_I can’t believe I am getting angry over this. Why am I like this?_

I wanted to get the message across. At the same time, I felt a sharp pain in my chest.  
I didn’t want to see him like this. I wish I had known how much he was suffering inside. If only I had told him earlier. 

_I’m sorry for making those jokes that you were not an official member.  
Those words had cut him deeply. I didn’t know he had taken it to heart. He usually laughed it off. Like it was nothing._

“Even if you do get on my nerves a bit and that you are loud and attract too much attention. Also that weird fake pitch you do when you are excited is annoying.” My hand trembled as I reached out to pat his head. Shiki had stopped sobbing. Patting his head was oddly relaxing even if his hair was getting mussed. 

“I admire how you can freely express yourself. You don’t have anything holding you back.  
That’s why your vocals are so good. You bring out emotion into any song.”  
I was surprised my voice did not falter. I usually don’t like showing emotions or being faced with emotional situations. Plus I don’t have Natsuki here to ask for his opinion.

“Jun-chi!” Shiki sniffed and wiped his tear-streaked face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Ah, I showed you my weak side. Haha that’s mega embarrassing! That’s so not cool..Promise me you won’t tell anyone. It will ruin my cool image.” 

_There he is again, so worried about his image._  
I couldn’t tell him though. That I was actually jealous of him.  
He might get weirded out by it.  
Not at this moment.

The sky was dimming. The sun’s last rays faded into the distance, the colours reminiscent of dying embers swallowed by the deep violet sky. Stars glimmered out of their cloud blankets. The crisp winter chill seeped into the room.

“What are you talking about? You’re our mega hyper mega max vocalist. There isn’t anything cooler than that.” I tried to keep a straight face but I lost it in the end. I sheepishly grinned at my lame attempt to imitate Shiki’s enthusiasm.  
To my cheesy words, he cracked the brightest smile and burst out laughing uncontrollably. Ahh his eyes were sparkling again, once more filled with hope.  
“I’m not dreaming am I? Jun-chi saying all these nice things and not being a bully. What has the world come to?!?” Shiki exclaimed dramatically with his arms stretched wide.  
“I’m sorry. I’m not good with this stuff.” I grimaced indignantly before I succumbed to laughing as well.  


*

 

“You don’t hate me, Jun-chi?” Shiki was looking at me with round puppy-dog eyes.  
He had returned to his normal self.  
I sighed. “No I don’t hate you.”  
“Then do you l- “  
I grabbed his shoulders, pulling him closer with both hands and shook him lightly.  
A faint blush crept up onto Shiki’s face.  
“I like you the way you are. Please don’t ever change.” I whispered into his ear.  
“Now let’s head home. It’s getting late.” 

_It’s fine the way it is, right now.  
One day I will tell you my genuine feelings._


End file.
